Super Moon 2015 - Sept. 27, 2015

Here is my first successful attempt at photographing an eclipse -- and a Super Moon, no less. There's nothing quite like sharing your passion with your children. I love taking pictures of nature.

I have to give a special shout out to my crew: my eldest daughter for spotting the moon behind the clouds first, my younger daughter for keeping me warm, and my husband for his remarkable night vision. I hope you enjoy the pictures.

Designing a Work of Art: Symphonies in Web and Garden Design

By Patty O’Connor Lauritzen

A true designer is akin to a true composer. Anyone who studies music can play an instrument, but not everyone who plays an instrument can compose beautiful music. The same is true in design. And the difference is artistic complexity.

This week I had the pleasure of hearing presentations from two very talented designers. And by talented, I mean a caliber of talent that puts these two designers at the top of their respective categories: web designer and garden designer.

Executive Creative Director at Wire Stone, Molly O’Shea, presented new designs for a tech client this week in Mountain View. She spoke of how the musicality of web design encourages the eye to dance as it moves across the visual elements of the page.

She masterfully moved a very simple brand into an elegant page design that focused on the basics: contrast, overlays, and clean typography neatly framed by the guiding rhythm of a 12-column grid. It is not a matter of using overlays like a composer writes the notes for the flutist. It is more like crafting their usage, transparency, and placement like a composer cues the flute, tempers the tone, and establishes the cadence.

The following day, internationally acclaimed garden designer, Luciano Giubbilei, gave a lecture at The Presidio in San Francisco.  He shared slides of his work and anecdotes of traveling the world designing gardens that soothe the soul.

Image courtesy of Flowerona

The components of his green gardens include tiered hedges, water features, and sculptures. Think of the reliability of the bass, the tinkling of bells, and the romance of violins. He spoke of planting flowers as arranged bouquets, incorporating structures that live and breathe, and thoughtfully placing sculptures from renowned artists. The ultimate element of his garden is natural light. Light is the melody; it is the natural movement of light cascading through leaves, backlighting bunch grasses, and casting late afternoon shadows. 

He writes in his book, Gardens of Luciano Giubbilei, “I can think of nothing that reminds me more of eternity; my mind is relaxed observing the play of light.” The garden of his design is one to linger in because there is nowhere you would rather be. Time is inconsequential. The added complexity of celebrating light creates the symphony of his gardens.

Both of these designers extend an invitation to share a complex vision that creates a pleasing reaction. And it struck me that this type of work is not just a deliverable, it is truly a work of art.

10 Steps to Finding Your Dream Job

By Patty O’Connor Lauritzen

Three of the most important decisions of your life are whom you love, where you work, and where you live. While work may dictate where you live and finding love can require a bit of luck, landing the right job can be approached somewhat scientifically.

Last summer, I accepted a great position that took me two and half years to find. I interviewed regularly, sometimes weekly, seeking the next step in my career path. In the end, my new job found me and many people have asked me how that happened.

What I learned along the way seems somewhat obvious to me now, but when you are dredging through the trenches of daily work and family routines, it can be hard to take a few moments to visualize a path to positive change and then follow it. So, here I share with you the 10 steps I followed to find my dream job.

Categorize your passions. Career, hobby, sport, and charity work. I fell into the trap of believing that if you did what you loved, you would find success. This rings true to a certain degree, but I am never going to pay the bills as a professional equestrienne. There is a time and a place for everything. Think in percentages: 50% family, 40% job, and 10% hobby. The sentiment that you can’t do everything all the time, but you can do some of it some of the time, can help you find balance.

Make a list of desired changes and prioritize it. Empower yourself with a magic pencil and write down your perfect work/life situation. Then, prioritize the list into what is an incremental improvement, achievable, and a dream. When I was job searching, I was able to distill my list to two incremental improvements: a supportive work environment and an opportunity for advancement.

Discover your value. Once you realize you want something more, find a way to make a contribution. Become a subject matter expert. Education can help tremendously, but if time and tuition are an issue, the Internet and the library are available to everyone. The amount of online classes, seminars, tutorials, wikis, articles, and books you can access is limitless. If you “don’t know what you don’t know,” check online academic course catalogs for topics and resource ideas.

Explore entrepreneurship. Resources for starting a new business have never been more plentiful. Kickstarter, Etsy, Shapeways, and other companies are creating opportunities for self-starters everywhere to do almost anything. The Small Business Association is a great resource and many government contracts seek to partner with minority and women-owned companies. Social entrepreneurship and hybrid non-profit/for profit business models are worth investigating. Find a niche and look for the advantages. But, don’t quit your job until your venture’s income can replace your current salary. It means late nights, but it can be worth it.

Count your loved ones in. Remember that your friends and family want you to be happy and can help you change your situation. Think of specific ways your loved ones can step in and step up, then ask for their help. Cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping take a considerable amount of time and energy that can be spent helping you recharge and refocus.

Create a coping strategy. And be kind to yourself. When things get tough, finding the light at the end of the tunnel sometimes is the hardest part. Dealing with difficult circumstances at work can be all consuming. Keep perspective; some of the most challenging personalities can teach you the most, if not simply push you to something better. Create a positive mantra about someone who gives you grief and embrace it when emotions flare. Then divert that energy to figure out what makes you happy and work those activities into your week. Even if you just start small. A healthy coping strategy that includes eating well, exercising and getting outside, can work wonders. Dance with kids in the yard. Every action we take, every minute of the day, is a choice.

Be visible. Whether you are actively searching for a job, networking, attending association meetings or joining Google Hangouts, be visible. Look at the LinkedIn profiles of people you admire and study their career paths and accomplishments. Determine how you can position yourself best for the opportunity you desire and make a list to get you there.

Have a sanctuary. Finding a good job is an arduous task: customizing letters, interviewing, researching and building skill sets. Unplug regularly. During my journey, I gardened. Now, when I enjoy the beautiful display of flowers, I realize that is the antithesis of my mood while I was going through challenging times. It’s taken me awhile to come to terms with associating my garden sanctuary with my work challenges, but one created the need for the other and now I’m blessed with a lovely yard to enjoy for years to come.

Be patient and don’t give up. I was crestfallen after months of interviewing for jobs that weren’t the right fit. Then, another recruiter contacted me and invited me to interview in another city. When a scheduling conflict arose, I almost cancelled. I was exhausted and told myself it probably wasn’t right for me. In retrospect, I needed a pressure release. Ultimately, pushing my boundaries was the path to positive change. My father always told me, “Don’t say no to a job before it’s been offered to you.” You have to try. And you have to show up. But, you don’t have to take the job. It’s your choice.

Release the pain. And take a breath. Free yourself of any career-related emotional baggage. Sure, what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, but don’t carry it around as a chip on your shoulder. My sister is a peace educator who gave me a reassuring perspective: realize that each challenge you face is a stepping-stone to get you where you want to go.

This is your journey. Honor it. And know that we are living in chapters. See the most difficult aspect of this transition as a catalyst for your betterment and positive change. Chances are very good that you’ll come out ahead.

"Choices" of a Working Mother

Is the Poor Economy Taking Away our Right to Choose Work or Full-time Motherhood?

By Patty O’Connor Lauritzen

One day, it happened. I realized that I had “made it.” Wife, mother, career woman.

That’s cool, I thought. Good for me! Snaps for Mommy!

And then, it started to sink in.

I live in a community of career women where the dads organize daddy play-dates. They pack one kid in a carrier and one kid up on the shoulders and they head out on grand adventures.

Initially, the photos I took of them as I headed off to work were novel and fun -- all the daddies with their flexible work schedules off for a hike with the babies and toddlers. My husband texts me pictures of them all having a good time.

And I look at those pictures while sitting in meetings or at my desk in an office building an hour away.

What happened?

Super mom, doesn’t feel so super anymore.

I tell myself, “I get a few hours in the mornings and evenings. If I count their naps at daycare, I have almost the equivalent amount of waking hours with them.” That’s 50/50. Well, maybe 40/60.

Besides, they get to play with their friends all day. Make crafts, swing on swings, read books. They like pre-school.

But, they also like being with mommy, too. And I like being with them.  And some days I miss them and some days they miss me. And it’s really, really hard.

Wasn’t I entitled to have it all? After all, I’m their mother.

But, "entitled" is a heavy word in today's spirit of co-parenting marriages. 

Is this what working fathers have been feeling all these decades?

Why didn’t they get mad about it? Or did they? Or was it called cocktail hour?

I work because I wanted to have a career, make a contribution, and be financially independent.

But, the primary reason I work is economic. I suspect a lot of mothers do or we’d all be soaking up the sun on the shores of Hawaii, watching our kids frolicking in the waves. 

Or, rather we would be home minding the budget, searching Groupon for discount deals and BigOven for leftover-friendly soup recipes.

Much of what I read in the media today focuses on the choice working moms have to rise through the ranks of their career or stay home to raise their children (or their adoptive children, their step-children, their foster children, or their boyfriend’s children).

But, here’s my question:

How come, in decades past, families could afford to be supported by one income, and today, both parents must work just to get by?

It’s a bit of a generalization. But, it applies to a lot of us.

Women fought for the right to have a career and won. Bravo for that.

But, what happened to our economy since the 60’s and 70’s?

Did somebody say, “Go ahead, give up your most important job as moms. I’ll be sure to use inflation against you. And then you really won’t have the choice to stay at home and be a full-time mom because you will need to work for money.”

And you’ll spend a lot of that money on daycare.

When I watched the PBS documentary, Makers: Women Who Make America, I was stunned by a 60’s era conservative perspective that a women’s most important job is to stay home and raise her children. I was stunned because I couldn’t believe that some women would not support a woman’s choice to have a career.

And I was stunned that I agreed with them that raising their children was the most important job a mom could do.

But, consider Leymah Gbowee. She is a mother of six and leader of a movement that led to peace in Liberia. She made the world a better place and improved the lives of many children, not just her own. 

Do we really need to qualify what kind of work is more important? I don’t think so.

But, I have to ask. Have the conservatives’ worst fear come true? Has the paramount role of motherhood lost its standing?

I am not a conspiracy theorist, but when I see The Wealth Inequality in America, I have to wonder what went awry and how. 

The Wealth Inequality in America

The income of the top 1% wealthiest Americans has tripled since 1976. That leaves a lot less cash for the rest of us to share. 

How did America’s wealth shift so dramatically from the poor and middle classes to the upper 1% and why does that shift coincide with the women’s movement?

Is this a coincidence? It is as if women going to work split all the men’s salaries in half. Or is it just corporate greed? Inflation? Calling all economists front and center to help me on this one.

Granted, we all have choices. Families can pick up and move to a cheaper town and buy a smaller house or get a more economical car. Then, they can afford to live on one income. Theoretically.

Is that realistic?

And what about the working poor in our own country? Or the single parents? Or the parents of children with disabilities or medical issues? 

As near as I can tell, the working poor don’t have choices at all. They have to work.

Many working poor are simply stuck. An education costs money and takes time, neither of which a working poor family can afford.

Aren't the poor families entitled to a fair shot at the American dream, too? 

So, while I’m acutely aware that I’m fortunate to have my dilemma of being a successful working parent and missing my kids at daycare, I’m also equally torn by the fact that money is not distributed fairly in our country.

Deciding whether to stay home with kids or have a full-time career is not just a women’s issue. It’s a class issue.

I think to myself, I don’t want to be poor. I need to provide for my family.

But, I really cannot begin to fathom what it means to be poor in today’s definition of poor.  The income of today’s working poor isn’t even on the chart of America’s wealth distribution. Their income is too small.

A teacher friend of mine shared with me that an underprivileged local child participating in a home economics lesson was asked to come up with a question about a hypothetical apartment he might like to rent. 

The boy asked if the apartment had running hot water. 

At first, I think, that’s unfathomable. 

And then I realize, I need to open my eyes.

So, I get to share the pain of missing my kids while I’m at work because I’m helping to support my family. I shoulder that burden. My husband misses our kids when he’s at work, too.

Half of working parents with children say it is difficult for them to balance the responsibilities of their job with the responsibilities of their family, according to a recent survey from Pew Research.

But, we are lucky.

There are hungry children in our own communities. Families that need a helping hand, a shoulder to lean on, or just a warm meal to give them a moment to breathe.

One thing I’ve learned in becoming a working mother is personal sacrifice. Sacrifice of my time, energy, pride, sleep. But, I have learned so much more about myself in terms of wherewithal, perseverance, empathy, awareness of others, and how hard it can be to make a mighty dollar.

So, while I lament those lost hours with my children while I’m at work, and probably forever will to some degree, I’ve moved on from that self-centered emotion called guilt.

My children are happy and the time we share together is precious. I make the most of it sharing my passions with them, teaching them about values and independence. They are well-adjusted social creatures who love to laugh. And that, to me, is golden.

But, that’s not the case for the families with kids who are hungry right here in America. 

There are many other less fortunate children to think about. And that's my whole point.

Here in the U.S., 23.5 million children were part of working poor families in 2011. That’s an incredible 37% of American kids growing up poor.

These working moms have more important things on their mind than reading about the “choice” to stay home or be a full-time mom. They are more concerned about things like food.

One in five kids, or 20% of the child population, in 36 states and D.C., lived in food insecure households in 2010, according to FeedingAmerica.org.

The economists that know will probably tell me this won’t change soon.

But, I know that we can help children in need now.

It is imperative that we are talking about these complex and remarkable issues working mothers and working fathers face. Let’s keep talking and change things for the better because there is a real life struggle happening in families all over the country.

But, let’s not forget the reality of those around us. 

There are wonderful daycare children in our own communities who miss their working moms and dads during the day, but who also go to bed hungry at night.

Sources:

PBS

Wealth Inequality in America

Pew Research 

WorkingPoorFamilies.org

FeedingAmerica.org

InfoWars

Related on Twitter:
#fairminism

#makerschat

#workingpoor

@AECFNews

Does Feminism Need a New Brand?

"Fairminism" might be a good start

By Patty O’Connor Lauritzen

The women’s movement was a great achievement during the last century and I’m glad for it. Thank you, Grandma and Mom. You did good work fighting the good fight. I’m grateful and thankful for my opportunities and rights.

Wait, did Seth MacFarlane just say, and then sing, “we saw your boobs?”

This year’s Oscars ceremony was a wake up call to millions of women around the world. 

Thank you, Seth MacFarlane, for giving us a barometer read on today's perception of women’s value. It isn’t pretty.  

I was eager to watch the Oscars this year and see the Academy honor today’s amazing cinematic storytellers. I thought my daughters, ages 3 and 5, might like to see their favorite film, Brave, contend for an Academy Award.

But, as the opening number, “We Saw Your Boobs” unfolded, I was horrified. Not only by the overt obnoxiousness, but that my daughters were watching. A few nights later, my daughter told me she was excited to have boobs. She’s five and now acutely aware of our breast-crazed society. Seth, are you listening? She’s only FIVE.

As I watched the show, I checked Twitter and Facebook and expected women to be raising a battle cry of protest over the sexist and degrading jokes. I was disappointed that I didn't see many people speaking out. Worse yet, that made me not want to speak out myself.

Thankfully, commentary started appearing after a day or two. 

For me, the Oscars were like a women’s state of the nation address.

The degradation of women throughout the whole program prompted writer, Lindy West to write about "sexism fatigue" for Jezebel. She is spot on. I reject the idea that these are just jokes that shouldn’t be taken seriously, but I didn’t speak out myself. At least, not until now.

Many women have become engrossed in empty consumerism powered by dollar hungry media. There is a capitalization on female insecurity that makes women so tense, that it’s hard to even relate to each other anymore. We women still tend to measure ourselves by what we have and how we look. 

Through the media, we are told to hold this ideal image of ourselves that's not real. Whose ideal is it anyway?

And that’s the problem. Women are not taught to reach their potential by following their own ideals. We need to support one another to provide shelter from the negativity storm. Women wage a battle with the mass media that chips away at their self-esteem on a daily basis. The appeal to the advertising world and the editors to cease the onslaught of daily attacks on the value and ability of women and girls goes largely ignored. Are women not being made to feel inferior? Isn’t that called bullying?

As an educated professional working mother who earns a relatively decent living and is blessed with a happy co-parenting marriage, I am reaping the benefits of the women’s movement, no doubt. In fact, I grew up with these opportunities and never thought much about it. For me, that is the way my life tracked. But, nobody told me being a working mother would be so hard emotionally, mentally and physically.

I have never considered myself a feminist before I watched the Oscars. 

Feminism, to me, is associated with a generation before me. 

It is as comfortable an identifying word as calling myself a suffragette. But, today we see our politicians attempt to define rape and question birth control. I’m starting to realize that I am a feminist. Very much so.

Women’s reproductive rights can’t be given and then taken away in the same generation. Or, can they? Women have worked too hard to get to this point in time to let that happen. Yet, I see the headlines discussing these issues and I feel dismissive. These politicians must be in the minority, right? Maybe it’s me who is not taking these issues seriously enough. Ladies, we didn’t have these rights in the not so distant past.

Just as there is a generation of women who have fought for women’s rights, there was a generation who fought against it. And here we are, their collective descendants with our respective differing views playing again in the same sandbox.

What has changed? 

Our generation has not studied the hard won fight to fully understand the women’s movement is a living, breathing, everyday challenge that cannot be taken lightly.

Feminism needs a new brand for this new generation to define, relate to and support. 

Just like domestic violence didn’t have the language used to describe it in the ‘70’s, we need new language to get behind. I don’t know what the name of it might be, but I do believe most women just want what is fair. 

"Fairminism" might be a good start.

Today’s perceived norms of working moms still include working hard without the pay, title, respect and management support. It is a struggle in this economy.

Yet, I consider myself lucky. My mom didn’t have the same earning opportunities and the freedoms that come with it. I knew growing up that I wanted to have an established career before marriage. And I wanted to buy a house before kids.

At the Oscars, “the main misogynistic awfulness was centered on the workplace,” writes Amy Davidson of The New Yorker.

Sexism and decent pay in my early career were clear and obvious challenges. Misogyny is real and it just takes one small weakness for predators to pounce.

Having a dual income household that affords both parents to do the job they love and make a livable wage seems to be the golden ticket. That’s the foundation of the American dream, isn’t it? Work hard, get paid, buy a house, have a family, be happy. Right?

How much do we rationalize our "glass half-full" feeling that women have come so far and go on accepting our current struggles before we speak up? 

I’ve heard the question, where have today’s feminists gone? Well, they’ve been busy trying to balance these hard earned rights and live up to their career potential. But, without the support of an infrastructure – including management support, fair pay and affordable childcare – we are faced with a difficult journey.

The women leaders of our society are busy. Very busy. Women today are advocating for not only women’s rights, but human rights. Not only here in the US, but around the world. 

Feminism is far from dead. Now, women activists are called humanitarians.

Our generation is enjoying the fruits of our mothers’ and grandmothers’ labors and spreading the word, lobbying and advocating for women everywhere.

There is a glaring light shining on the world stage illuminating the suffering of women and girls who are struggling to be treated with dignity, to gain access to healthcare, get an education, and thrive under the protection of basic human rights.

So, thank you, Seth MacFarlane, for sounding the alarm. But, more thanks to the women who are talking back. Writers like Lindy West and Amy Davidson are waking up a legion of feminists who didn't realize their voices have been sorely missing. 

And, finally, to Gloria Steinem, I owe you a huge apology and debt of gratitude. I thought, naively, that you had already passed into the pages of the history books. Yet, here you are today, at 78, still talking about equal pay.

I wish I had been listening to the conversation earlier. 


March 8th is International Women's Day.

Sources:

The New Yorker

Google

Jezebel

PBS

Twitter hashtags:
#internationalwomensday
#womensday
#womenswishes
#changetheconversation